Philosophies I live by

Hey guys! Today's blog is gonna be a bit different, its a bit more personal. This year I turned the big 25! It was a big celebratory moment for me. Even though I was happy to have lived to see a quarter century, in the back of my mind the feeling of uncertainty lingered (cues sad music). I had certain dreams and aspirations that were supposed to be fulfilled by the great 25 and had a sudden light bulb moment once I realized that those dreams —were still dreams—and not actuality. It is good to have guidelines, however, putting time restrictions on yourself could lead to a whirlwind of emotions once those things aren’t achieved. Comparison can really be the thief of joy in your 20s. I was observing my peers doing all these great things with their lives but it felt like I was stuck in a standstill. Turning 25 opened the door for insecurities and questioning my life purpose, it has been a huge game of tug of war. Even though I was experiencing these complexities, I was and still am experiencing great highs. While navigating my feelings, I had to reevaluate and align my philosophies. 

These are the philosophies that helped me:

Find your happiness  

It is very important to not equate happiness to a person or an item. I'm going to take a short stroll down the cliché road but you're the only one that can create your happiness —long lasting happiness that is. Sure, you’ll experience fragments of happiness in people and other things but you should not rely on those things solely for your happiness. This is something I struggled with as I felt like my romantic and platonic relationships were suppose to heal me. See how stupid that sounds? Yeah, don’t do that. 

Establish boundaries 

It is very important to protect your space, protect your energy and creating boundaries is a great way to do so. Boundaries are unyielding lines, regulated by you, which cannot be navigated by those around you. They serve as a constraint for the type of treatment and behaviors that you are willing to allow in your space. You are entitled to self respect and  respect from those around, that’s basic human decency. You have the right to remove yourself from the presence of inappropriate or offensive behavior. When you set boundaries, you are honoring yourself and your needs. 

You could easily kick away the boundaries I had for myself because I was allowing any and everything in my space—for the sake of being open and keeping the peace—and let me tell you, disrespect was giggling in my face and I had to stop. Once I started to be picky with what I allowed in my space, things became clearer and in turn, I became more aware of who I really am.

Self care

Your health is a huge determining factor on how you feel. If you're unhealthy, more than likely you're unhappy.  It is necessary to incorporate self care into your daily routine. Self care does not have to be super expensive. Take care of yourself but make sure its budget friendly. Eat well, exercise, cultivate your mind, body and spirit. You have to take care of yourself before you can assist others. 

Create your own route to success

There's no single right way to achieve success. We all have different experiences that contribute to who we are today.  There isn't a "one size fits all" manual that we all can use to attain success, you have to figure out what success means to you. I'm aware that failure is something that affects our self esteem but do not let failures deter you from achieving your goals. Experiment and research until you find methods that are effective. Be mindful of doing things that are out of your character or morally incorrect.

Stop overthinking

I truly despise that I overthink every little thing. It is good to take a step back and just let things flow, it is ok to be in the passenger seat sometimes. Overthinking can lead to self sabotage, trust me, I’m always on that street; late at nights too. Once I started to minimize my daily input, the equations in my head became easier. Social media can provide you with an overload of information, limiting your time on these sites can eradicate clutter from your mind.

Don't take things personally

Listen, people are gonna critique every single thing that you do, it is merely up to you with how you handle those criticisms. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion and you're also entitled to put those opinions in the bin. When you take things personally, you're allowing others to control your life and your happiness.

Stop being presumptuous 

I’ve discussed how taking things personally is destructive but we also need to be cautious of being presumptuous. Do not assume you know what others are thinking unless you're psychic then, knock yourself out. Just as their reality doesn't reflect your reality, your life is not theirs. It is okay to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes.

Give without the expectation of return

This is something that was instilled in me by my great grandmother from a very young age. She's someone who believes in giving her last and I would never hear her complain. I have  always admired that about her and always tried to emulate that. Do not keep a scoreboard of what you do for others because then it becomes unauthentic. If your effort isn't acknowledged or appreciated, do not get offended. Remember, help because you genuinely want to and not because you want a pat on the back.

Be flexible with your goals

Goals are super important to have but a single minded commitment to a specific goal could be blinding and prevent you from seeing other opportunities, (shouting at my self here). Roads have turnoff spots for a point, do not stick to one path out of sense of obligation. Make sure your goals are yours and not what is expected of you. Do not endure years of misery because you feel like that’s what you're expected to do. Do not limit yourself.

It's never too late to start

You want to start college at 50? Do it. Stop saying you're out of time, you're robbing yourself. Time limits are daunting, just because you haven't started yet — or haven't reached the level you're aiming for — doesn't mean you can't or won't make it happen. History is saturated with representations of people who achieved great things in their later years. 

It is ok to celebrate the achievement of others 

It doesn't take a lot for you to step outside your bubble and celebrate others. I promise you, their success does not decrease yours. It is important not to be resentful or jealous when you see your peers achieve milestones, that can turn you into an awful person. Nobody likes a negative Nancy or a Debbie Downer. Remember, we all can be winners.

Spirituality is idiosyncratic 

Ever met someone with imposing beliefs? As if only their beliefs mattered? That’s not okay. Believe what you want, and let others do the same. Having opposing views is normal. 

I must admit that I’m still in the process of figuring out this entire life thing. Feeling demotivated is normal, no matter how hard you try, you can’t always be positive. How you decide to deal with these wave of sadness is what matters. It is important to allow yourself to feel, confront your feelings and give yourself time to heal. I hope you guys found these philosophies helpful and also applicable to your lives. I have every ounce of faith that I’ll achieve my goals and my mood board will be an actuality. I’m sorry if you guys didn’t get the witty Shanny, I wanted to step back and showcase a different side of me. I hope you guys are safe. See you guys next week!